Selectively Unsocial
by KillingKathy
Summary: "Hold it." Edgeworth stepped closer, face darkening. "Unsocial?" (In which Edgeworth rethinks some aspects of himself.)


Miles Edgeworth, by all means, was not an unsociable person, despite what other people said. He was a common participant in dinners and could be quite cordial when loosened up with a bit of soft wine and small talk.

He'd never thought of himself as the shy type (no shy people could have such a ferocity in court, after all).It was only when Chief Prosecutor Lana, frighteningly drunk and tipsy, had accused him of his _atrocious _personality exacerbating the tension in the courtroom that he started to rethink his previous assumption about his attitude.

Her statement might've carried a bigger weight if her words weren't so slurred.

However, it was enough to stick on Edgeworth's mind on the way home.

_What was so dreadful about his personality?_

Sure, he was short and terse when it came down the line, but he didn't necessarily go out of his way to make people feel bad. In fact, as he was thinking about this, he thought with faint pride, he was immaculate in both speech and manner.

So he dismissed Lana's statement as a drunken thought, and pushed it out of his mind. It would've stayed there, if a certain detective had not brought it back.

"Mr. Edgeworth!" The man blundered over, not paying any attention to the binders on Edgeworth's desk, sending the papers toppling on the floor, seemingly evasive as they careened out of Edgeworth's desperate hands attempting to retrieve them.

They both looked at the papers strewn over Edgeworth's floor in somber silence for a moment. Edgeworth raised a hand to his brow, rubbing it in irritation as he growled, "Whatever business you have, detective, I hope for your sake that it's _relevant_."

"Uh-actually, sir," Gumshoe started. "I was wondering…"

"Request denied." Edgeworth promptly replied, before rising from his chair to attempt to organize the disarray of papers on the floor.

"Oh…" _Oh, lord. _Gumshoe looked like a kicked puppy.

No matter how many times Edgeworth tried to tell the detective that he was a _grown man_, that that kind of expression was _ill-fitting _for a man of his profession, Gumshoe seemed oblivious.

Only Franziska could be hard-pressed enough to ignore it.

"Then, I'll just be leaving, , sir." Gumshoe mumbled, looking down as his feet as he slunk back to the door. _Oh jesus, was that a tail between his legs? _

"Wait!" Edgeworth called, cursing himself for his own spontaneous outburst. "Er…what did you want?"

Gumshoe's whole aura seemed to perk up, instantly turning back around to face him, a sheepish grin on his face. "Um…so, you see…" he fished in his pockets, frowning as he missed the apparently evasive object he was looking for. After a _long _moment, he finally found it, holding up two folded tickets for Edgeworth to see.

"…And what is that, detective? You didn't get a parking ticket again did you?"

"No sir!" Gumshoe blurted out, looking crestfallen at the reminder. (How many times did he have to reminded not to park in the disability slot?!)

"Actually…" he rubbed the back of his head, looking mortified. "There's this movie that I won tickets for, and I was wondering-"

"If you have enough time to enter a raffle, you should've put that time to good use and tried to _attempt _a salary raise. Whose fault is it that you're living on cold noodles all the time?"

Gumshoe looked even more chastened than ever. "I-I'm sorry, sir."

Edgeworth waved a hand in dismissal. "Your salary does not concern me, dectective. I was merely suggesting a solution to your lifestyle. You'll die at the age of 40 if you keep eating instant noodles the way you are now."

"Thank you for your concern!" Gumshoe grinned again, apparently back to his regular self. "Anyway," he continued, switching topics, "I was wondering…when you have a day off, if we could see the movie together?"

Was…Gumshoe implying what he thought he was?

"Don't…you have other friends to watch this with?" Edgeworth asked, mentally chastising himself right after he realized that the possibility of that statement being true was actually fairly likely.

Somehow, he'd made this situation more awkward than it previously was.

"It's fine, sir!" Gumshoe said, tone more light than ever. "I would really like to see this movie with you!"

"…What's the title?" Edgeworth asked skeptically. _If it was a steel samurai movie…_

"It's called Twilight!"

"….As in, the time of night?"

"Apparently so, sir!"

"I doubt a documentary about nighttime is interesting enough to hold my attention." He said bluntly, going back to his previous task of picking up the papers.

"…Oh, I'm sorry…" Gumshoe mumbled again, scuffing his shoes against the magenta carpet. "I guess a movie was too sociable to ask of you, after all…"

"Yes, that's-wait." Edgeworth rose, pointing an accusing finger at the detective. "What did you say?"

"I-" Gumshoe raised his hands in apology, nervously chuckling. "I just thought-with you being so unsocial and all-"

"_Hold it._" Edgeworth stepped closer, face darkening. "Unsocial?"

"I mean no offense by it, sir!" Gumshoe flustered, waving his hands rapidly. "Everyone has their particular personalities!"

"…I will see this movie with you." Edgeworth growled, practically snatching the ticket from Gumshoe's hands. "We will go tonight."

"That's great, sir!" Gumshoe's smile was so wide it almost made Edgeworth feel like he was doing a good deed. (Almost.)

The movie turned out to be a _mess_. "There is no way," Edgeworth growled, looking emphatically, waving his hand with gesticulation. "There is _no way_," he repeated with renewed vigor, _"_that vampires _sparkle_!"

"Well, sir-"

"This was such an utterly _foolish _plot! What kind of girl is airheaded enough to ask about the supernatural-and when finding out that it's _true_, keep on sticking to them like a _leech_?!"

"I-I thought it was a pretty good movie." Gumshoe defended. "The love story was sweet."

Edgeworth humphed, turning on his heel to walk to his car. "Not to mention," he started scathingly, "that everyone in that theatre was _eleven_."

"There were some older ladies there…"

"Around Ms. Oldbag's age, decective."

Gumshoe gulped and shut up.

On the way home, Edgeworth felt a particular sense of dei ja vu as he drove down the narrow streets, mind preoccupied with that Gumshoe had said before. _Unsocial? _

Lana's words came back to him, and he grimaced. He'd never thought his personality was a problem before, but apparently he'd been oblivious to contradictions. Immersed in his inner monologue, he didn't notice until the totem pole until the last second and swerved wildly in a last minute attempt to not crash. It (thankfully) worked, but Edgeworth was left frozen in the driver's seat, breathing heavily, heart racing with adrenaline.

It was apparent that he needed to fix this problem, soon.

"Franziska Von Karma. Who is speaking?"

Edgeworth took a deep breath. "Franziska." He started. "I have a question."

He could practically _see _her rolling her eyes. "Well, I suppose if my foolish little brother has been associating himself with the foolishest fools of the foolish city he lives, then he would naturally have a foolish question to foolishly ask."

He took another deep breath, steeling himself. "What kind of person do I come across as?"

There was a pause (almost surprised) and she snickered. "I suppose…you're not as foolish as the others." Well, considering she considered the majority of humanity nothing but fools, it was practically _angelic_ coming from her.

"…Thank you, Franziska."

"Did you have anything else you wanted to ask?"

"No, that's all. Thank you." He hung up the phone, staring at the device for a few moments. Franziska had been stubbornly vague in her answer, so in the end, it was all for naught. There was only one thing to do. He took a deep breath and dailed.

"Hello, Wright and Co. Law offices!"

"Wright." He said shortly, grimacing as his pride took another blow.

"Edgeworth?"

"Are you…free right now?"

There was an even more surprised pause on the other side, and when Phoenix finally replied, his voice was suspicious. "You don't have any…ulterior motives?"

_How had he-_"Of course not." Edgeworth denied, thanking all things holy that Phoenix couldn't see him right now. "I would merely like to catch up…outside the courtroom."

"Hmm…" he could almost picture the attorney putting a hand to his chin.  
"I'll foot the bill." He finally said out of desperation, almost letting a pleading tone slip into his voice.

"Deal!" Phoenix instantly replied. "There's a coffee shop at the corner of the office, could we meet there?"

"That's fine." Edgeworth stood up, grabbing his keys off his desk. "I suppose this would be the better arrangement for the man _who still hasn't gotten his drivers license_."

He listened to Phoenix's agitated splutter with a superior smirk before he abruptly hung up. This would do as revenge, for now.

It took him ten minutes to drive to the café, stopping at the front as he noticed a figure waving to him from behind the counter. He parked (_not _at at disability slot) and got out, pocketing his keys as he headed towards Phoenix.

"Edgeworth!"

He gave a nod of acknowledgment. "Wright."

Phoenix's grin was as big as ever, practically taking up half his face. "I hope you have money on you."

"What?"

Phoenix ordered half the menu.

"Please tell me this isn't just petty payback for all the times Maya made you order burgers for her."

Phoenix's sheepish grin confirmed it.

_Well, it was now or never. _

"Wright, what kind of person do I strike you as?" Edgeworth asked stiffly, folding his arms across in his chest in a pretense of casualness.  
Phoenix frowned, leaning his cheek on his hand. He pointed his spoon at Edgeworth, scrutinizing him through narrowed eyes. The man shifted slightly.

"Do I seem like an unsocial person, I meant." Edgeworth mumbled. Why was _he _the one feeling awkward?

"Hmm…it's strange." Phoenix mused. "It's more like a selective unsocialness, if you get what I mean."

"Not quite."

"Hmm…let's see." Phoenix propped himself up on his elbows. "There's the majority of the human population, who you probably wouldn't even shake hands with, and then there's that little bubble of people you allow to drag you into things."

Edgeworth stayed silent for awhile, pondering what Phoenix said. Surprsingly, Phoenix was the most accurate out all the people he'd asked. "So, I'm not _completely _unsocial."

"No, not exactly." An impending silence followed.

Suddenly Phoenix gave a careful, calibrated grin, and Edgeworth shivered, dreading what was coming next.

"If you want my _honest _opinion-you always seem like the person who always gets vanilla ice cream, even if there were thousands of other flavors to choose from."

_Shit._ "I…" Edgeworth cleared his throat, hooking his finger around his cravat in a futile attempt to adjust it. Phoenix's grin only grew wider, looking practically _feline_ as Edgeworth desperately snatched for his equilibrium.

"So, I was right!" He crowed in triumph, tone exuberant.

"I-I'll have you know," Edgeworth said haughtily, in a futile effort to scrap up his tragic dignity, "That vanilla is by far an outlier for the most popular flavor."

"So I was right." He didn't think it was possible, but Phoenix's grin grew even more smug, tone almost _condescending_ as he said, "Well, it was expected-poor _Edgey_ being so sheltered from the world and all…"

Edgeworth slammed his hand on the table in response. "It would do no good to waste money on a flavor that one does _not like_."  
"So you just stuck with vanilla?"

"Wright, be quiet."

* * *

So...I hadn't expected to like this fandom so much QwQ It's taken up half my life I regret _everything_...I blame Ersatz Writer.

Well...this started out as a tiny drabble about Edgeworth and his ice cream and turned into this (not quite monstrosity) but a presentable fanfiction nevertheless .

I would be so honored if you told me what you thought about it! :DDDDD (Everyone's so cute I like writing Gumshoe too much) There needs to be more sadistic Phoenix~

Until next time,

K.K


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